The Lung Brothers
Hanging out at the extreme end of the long tail ...
Wednesday, November 12, 2014
Sunday, August 31, 2014
Arizona: 9-Year Old Girl Accidentally Kills Her Shooting Instructor with an UZI.
I've discussed this issue in depth with my friends over the web and the feeling is that, since we're talking about the state of Arizona here and not Texas, it's quite unlikely that the 9-year old girl will be given the lethal injection.
Then Lung the Elder incisively pointed out that the girl isn't actually from the state of Arizona but was only there on a visit. In that case, she will probably be declared an 'unlawful combatant' and get sent to Guantánamo without a trial.
Tuesday, July 22, 2014
I grew up in Ireland during the seventies and eighties, a turbulent and tragic time for the island when different factions on both sides of the political divide in the north were committing the most cruel and vicious acts of violence. Although the troubles barely affected us where we lived, there was rarely an evening when news of another shooting or another public bombing was not occupying our television screen.
I still remember the shame and anger I felt from the fact that the vast majority of these acts of brutality were committed by those who claimed allegiance to my national flag. Furthermore, any sort of political resolution seemed totally impossible and it looked like there would never be an end to it.
However, the recent events in the Middle East have given me thought about how the situation could have been made much worse and pushed beyond a point of no return.
….imagine if every time the provisional IRA or the INLA committed an atrocity, the British military had bombarded Dublin, Cork and Galway in retaliation.
….imagine if they had called it their right to legitimately defend their nation and that they were doing their very best to only target terrorists.
….imagine if those terrorist targets included hospitals, schools, family homes and kids playing football.
….imagine if they added insult to injury by claiming that these targets were human shields and complained that the terrorists should really be standing out in the open and wearing bright colors so they could be killed more easily.
….imagine if all those people in the south who had been vehemently opposed the terrorism in the north, were to have members of their families blown to pieces in their own homes.
….imagine if, instead of condemning these bombardments, the rest of the world condoned them and justified the right of the United Kingdom to defend itself.
….imagine how much all of that would work as an anti-British recruitment campaign and would have swollen the ranks of paramilitary organizations in the south.
…. and imagine how it would all have fed the vicious and never-ending cycle of violence.
We’d probably still be at it today.
Fortunately, although not perfect, our neighbors happened to be a relatively civilized lot. They also had a lot of recent experience in the painful act of letting go of (or not letting go of) historical colonies and knew that the only possible solutions to the Irish situation were (a) apartheid (b) genocide or (c) patience, arbitration and negotiation.
Had it been another century, they probably would have opted for (a) or (b) but because of all those damn twentieth-century meddlers like Ghandi and Martin Luther King and a rabble of bloody humanists in their own parliament, the Brits made a play for peace by consensus. It took years of multilateral bickering, trust building, multiple setbacks but thanks to the hard work of neutral negotiators and the courage of the Northern Irish voting public, a tenuous ceasefire was established. So far so good.
Although I suppose the Irish situation is not really comparable to Israel/Palestine. Both sides up in Belfast gained a lot from the ceasefire but Israel would get nothing from giving concessions to the Palestinians that it doesn’t have already. It’s happily continuing with its long-term "unofficial" plan to push the Arabs out of the West Bank, most of its enemies are stuck in an open-air prison and its economy is booming. The world’s apathy and the growth of the religious right at home mean that its military can do what it likes without consequences. So the Israelis have nothing to gain by a negotiated peace and the Palestinians have nothing to lose by continuing the war.
And so it goes.
Tuesday, July 01, 2014
Ideas to Get Rich, Volume 9, Chapter 3.
Lung the Elder came up with an absolutely genius idea for making a killing while we were quaffing beers and seeing the Algerian national team get tragically beaten by the Germans.
It’s an iPhone application that monitors the conversation while you’re chatting to a beautiful woman and whispers the right thing to say to her into your ear. And it will be called ….(drumroll)……………………..
……why the CyranoDeBergerAP of course!
Wednesday, June 11, 2014
So it turns out that the little silicone thing you pop into a baby’s or a toddler’s mouth to keep them calm has three different names according to your geographical location. Curiously these words actually might say a lot about their culture of origin:
THE PACIFIER (USA)
Let’s face it - this is a name for a handgun. You can just imagine Clint Eastwood standing over a two-year old’s cot and saying “OK kid, I’m givin’ you five seconds to quit bawlin’, otherwise I’m gonna stick this here pacifier into your mouth, pull back the hammer and….”. Maybe they should call the baby’s squeezy toy the “Subduer”.
THE DUMMY (UK)
This word could only have been created in the Victorian age when the unseemliness of a wailing brat would have been totally incomprehensible to a respectably repressed Pater and Mater. They probably thought that it was due to some sort of mental retardation. Out for a stroll in the park with their perambulator, they must have been completely mortified when little Edmund began his wailing. “Oh for God’s sake Winifred, why the does child have to make such an infernal racket in civilized company? He’s obviously backward. Why don’t you stick something into the little cretin’s mouth to shut him up and keep it there until we ship him off to boarding school?” Thus the dummy was born.
THE SOOTHER (Ireland etc.)
It’s actually a good name for the object in question but there’s just one problem. Why is it that the country that uses this word is the one country that can’t pronounce it right? Yup, we do have a hard time getting a hang of the old “TH”. So this little article becomes “sooder” which sounds like something horrible that you’d buy in IKEA just so you can give it to your mother-in-law as a gift.
Monday, April 14, 2014
So Who Posted the First Selfie?
DIEGO VELAZQUEZ @diegoveloz 1 day ago
Hey guys, chk this out. I took this portr8 a few of weeks ago n painted myself in the background. Is that totally INSANE or what??? Gotta be a first, im thinking of callin it a backgroundie.
RAPHAEL @raffasanzio 11 hours ago
@diegoveloz Naw dude, backgroundie way too long. How bout selfie? AWSOME portrait BTW! Looks like the cast of G.o.Thrones.
PICASSO @pablopick 9 hours ago
@diegoveloz Yeah dude like whos the dog on the right? And what bout the canine one too? WOOF! LoL!!!
JAN VAN EYCK @janvantheman 7 hours ago
@diegoveloz You 4 real dawg? My white dutch ASS say U b first. I bin doin that shit 4 years. Chk out my portr8 o the Arnolfini hitchin. Take a good look that mirror back there n say that aint me. Now THAT b a selfie mofo!!
HENRI DE TOULOUSE-LAUTREC @henriletrekkie 6 hours ago
@janvantheman Awsome portr8! The chick is haawt!!!!
MICHELANGELO DE CARAVAGGIO @mickcaravan 5 hours ago
@henriletrekkie NOT my type ;- )
@henriletrekkie NOT my type ;- )
PETER PAUL RUBENS @ppdarube 3 hours ago
@mickcaravan Yeah too scrawny for me. LoL!
DIEGO VELAZQUEZ @diegoveloz 3 hours ago
@janvantheman Shit that could b any1 in your mirror. I,m sooo still calling firstie here.
JAN VAN EYCK @janvantheman 2 hours ago
@diegoveloz The Hell U R, U dago ashole!
@janvantheman Oh and BTW. That light-coming-through-the-window-on-the-left thing? FYI, I like totally started that.
JAN VAN EYCK @janvantheman 1 hour ago
@johanSvrmr Yeah, well fuck U too Johnny!
EDOUARD MANET @showmethemanet 53 minutes ago
Hey guys. I did a selfie too. Kinda hard to C but I,m in the third row of the café reflected in the mirror. Pretty kewl eh?
MICHELANGELO DE CARAVAGGIO @mickcaravan 44 minutes ago
@showmethemanet FAIL Dude! Cant C U anywhere
@showmethemanet TOTAL FAIL, man!!! U got like a duck-face selfie, a nite-out selfie and a blurry selfie all rolled into one. Total cliché. Why didnt U paint Urself in the gym holding your pet while U're at it?
@showmethemanet Yeah Nice try buddy but FAIL BIATCH!!!
Thursday, February 13, 2014
Enough with the Andersons Already!
Once again the spotlight is on Hollywood and their shoddy performance in the field of human resources. This time round the general criticism is focused on the fact that the industry is currently employing far too many film directors named Anderson.
“It’s an absurd situation” said Joanie Novak a Hollywood reporter “You go to rent a whimsical movie about a pair of innocent kids running away to live in the forest but instead of quirky boyscouts and nostalgic decor, you end up with aliens slicing each others’ faces off or oil barons bludgeoning each other to death.”
To remedy this situation, the American Association of Filmmakers will require all the directors named Anderson to draw straws. The long straw gets to keep his name and the others will have to choose a new family name for themselves. “But for Christ’s sake, just chose a normal one.” adds Novak. “Don’t go inventing a daft surname with the letters you randomly picked out of a scrabble bag. I mean looked what happened to that stupid git M. Night Anderson.”