The Lung Brothers

Hanging out at the extreme end of the long tail ...

Tuesday, December 29, 2015

Some Day All Laws Will Be Made This Way

So let me get this straight - in the US, suspected terrorists are not allowed to fly on commercial planes but are allowed to purchase assault rifles over the counter. What a wonderful and sensible application of the law. In fact, I reckon that the upper and lower houses should implement a whole series of laws in the same spirit as this jewel of judicial rationale:

May I take the liberty to suggest a few?

Convicted pedophiles should not under any circumstances be allowed to come within one hundred yards of public schools BUT they should not be prevented from becoming foster parents.

Arsonists should not under any circumstances be allowed to light barbecues in their own back yards BUT should not be prevented from purchasing flamethrowers as long as they don’t cross state lines with them.

Voyeurs should not under any circumstances be allowed into public swimming pools BUT they should not be prevented from working for the NSA or the TWA.

People who have been prosecuted for fiscal fraud or misappropriation of funds should not be allowed to work in the finance departments of any corporate entity BUT should not be prevented from working on the financing of electoral campaigns.

Men accused of assault or domestic violence should receive barring orders from their wives and not be allowed to associate with any vulnerable members of society or potential victims BUT should not be prevented from joining the Minutemen. 

Inspectors working for the Securities and Exchange Commission should not under any circumstances receive payment from any banking or trading firm that they are investigating BUT should not be prevented from getting hired by that same firm immediately after said investigation has been concluded.

..you know, it’s quite depressing when you start out writing something as a piece of satire and then realize that most of it is actually true.